tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post112748487425620591..comments2019-09-09T21:06:03.073-04:00Comments on <p align="left">THE WRITER'S CORNER<br><br>...I write ... therefore I am...</p>: The Age of InnocenceB. A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10534085187812649408noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-34478370714950639372010-03-22T14:01:49.133-04:002010-03-22T14:01:49.133-04:00I just read "The age of Innocence" and t...I just read "The age of Innocence" and then read some of the comments. I have to agree with the majority about the ending. The story is great but then boom, the ending hits and I was disappointed. Seems like the story could continue a little bit to a better ending. Sorry---but maybe I have read too many books where the same thing happens. I love the book and then it just ends too quickly!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-64883797804584535152010-02-27T16:23:22.300-05:002010-02-27T16:23:22.300-05:00I felt that the ending seemed a little cut-off. I ...I felt that the ending seemed a little cut-off. I think it needs to be developed a tad to give a completed feeling, otherwise there was no result to Mikey's lesson.<br /><br />A cute, and rather sad story. I liked your method of story-telling though it is a little wordy in some places. An enjoyable read.<br /><br />I look forward to seeing more of you around the site. Please feel free to drop a line to me, or any moderator (blue case) if you have any queries. And...have fun exploring!<br /><br />PuditatAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-51050095623262481772010-02-27T16:22:08.426-05:002010-02-27T16:22:08.426-05:00Such a sad story.
You humanized those raccoons in...Such a sad story.<br /><br />You humanized those raccoons in such a way that I really felt for them at the end. Smile<br /><br />A couple of comments -<br /><br />She turned to her side and licked his forehead letting him know she forgave him. Mikey loved that lick. That is so sweet!<br /><br />“No, Mother, and I don’t like any of these smells,” Theona w(h)ined.<br /><br />Good read!<br /><br />Lynne.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-56008618799293186942010-02-27T16:21:12.503-05:002010-02-27T16:21:12.503-05:00An interesting perspective to write about. I can t...An interesting perspective to write about. I can tell you really like animals. <br /><br />You had a few typos here and there, such as not capitalizing "mother" when it is used as a name or using an apostrophe instead of quotations, etc., but other than that, it made a good read. Remember to always take a moment to read your story/poem/whatever over before posting, and you'll be just fine. Write on!<br /><br />Yours truly,<br /><br />PinkyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-50272712154516754612010-02-27T16:10:20.524-05:002010-02-27T16:10:20.524-05:00"CONGRATULATIONS"
This Item has been ch..."CONGRATULATIONS"<br /><br />This Item has been chosen as an Editors Pick in the Noticing Newbies Newsletter.<br /><br />Great writing.<br /><br />God Bless,<br /><br />BobbyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-22138987557047793762010-02-27T16:09:29.775-05:002010-02-27T16:09:29.775-05:00Hi Bruce,
I like the alternate ending... it kind ...Hi Bruce,<br /><br />I like the alternate ending... it kind of explains what happened next. This story was very entertaining. I have watched raccoons on my back porch. They come up to eat the cat food I put out for my cats. This story reminded me of "Watershed Downs". I think that is the name of a book I read about rabbits. I like how you personify the raccoons and give them voices, but also how you show the way they communicate with body language and facial movements.<br /><br />There were only a couple of things I saw that you could change, just a couple of minor errors.<br /><br />When you wrote:<br /><br />Can I lead, mom,” I think it should end in a question mark. Not sure, though.<br /><br />And when you wrote:<br /><br />Mom took a moment to lick Mikey and Theona while chittering the way only mom’s can do when they want to calm their children.<br /><br />(mom's is possessive and should be plural, like moms without the apostrophe)<br /><br />All in all, I thought it was a very good story, well-written and entertaining.<br /><br />Keep on writing!<br />BooWriterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-75356209780233532202010-02-27T16:00:30.028-05:002010-02-27T16:00:30.028-05:00Hi Bruce,
I think I like your original ending bet...Hi Bruce,<br /><br />I think I like your original ending better than your second ending. However, I think what made me feel lukewarm about the ending was that your story completely builds...and builds...and builds, but no real climax is reached.<br /><br />I suppose I am conditioned by predictable, modern stories, but I did feel as though your first ending was rather abrupt. The second ending prolonged the story, but did not do much for it.<br /><br />***<br /><br />I just checked out your third ending. (At least it's the most recent ending?) I like it a lot better!<br /><br />You still center around Mikey and you don't change him as drastically. I think it's more realistic than the second ending. There still is not the action I expected, but it is a good end.<br /><br />Perhaps the only thing I would suggest is showing how Mikey has changed in the end. You've written this great story with lots of dialogue and action. Maybe after your current last paragraph, you could add one last bit of<br />dialogue, such as Theona saying she's hungry and Mikey telling her to wait up -<br />then making sure he follows her closely, sniffing the air all the while. (I'm<br />sure you could think of something better...it's just a suggestion.)<br /><br />I am impressed that you keep working at this! I also like that you were inspired to write this after watching backyard wildlife. <br /><br />Best to you,<br />TehanuAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-40568772426962039992010-02-27T15:59:02.726-05:002010-02-27T15:59:02.726-05:00I loved your story...until the ending. It just see...I loved your story...until the ending. It just seems that the story is written for children, and then at the end, everything gets rather psychological. I was bracing myself for action and adventure, but felt a little let down.<br /><br />As a reader, I don't want the characters to change so thoroughly, so quickly.<br /><br />I am curious as to what your first ending was. Also, what age range did you have in mind when you thought up this story? Your descriptions were good and I did not see any grammar mistakes. Again,<br /><br />I loved most of the story. I thought everything (but the conclusion) was pretty stream-lined enjoyable to read.<br /><br />Best to you,<br /><br />TehanuAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-80651924587809766132010-02-27T15:53:30.132-05:002010-02-27T15:53:30.132-05:00Overall, I liked the story idea, and I think it...Overall, I liked the story idea, and I think it's a creative take on the loss of innocence story.<br /><br />It was probably what you were going for, but with a story with animals as the lead characters I usually feel the need for some humor. This also goes for stories with weighty topics.<br /><br />Using comparisons to humans worked well, especially in the following example:<br /><br />He then walked over to his sister and began to lick her ears.<br /><br />“Cut that out – that tickles,” Theona giggled and Mikey knew she was okay.<br /><br />I think using more comparisons to human characteristics could help a lot.<br /><br />Martin MillsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com