tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post112748706077551895..comments2019-09-09T21:06:03.073-04:00Comments on <p align="left">THE WRITER'S CORNER<br><br>...I write ... therefore I am...</p>: In AssociationB. A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10534085187812649408noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-83300054268117687512010-02-27T15:20:02.153-05:002010-02-27T15:20:02.153-05:00What a very erie piece you have written. I really ...What a very erie piece you have written. I really enjoyed reading it. You did a good job.... not sure I could have came up with anything like this. It is very well written and well thought out.<br /><br />You paint a very clear picture with your words. The flow of this piece makes it easy for the reader to get into the story.<br /><br />thank you for sharing your work with us here.<br />keep up the good work.<br /><br />StarAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-12314653290941842052010-02-27T15:18:48.656-05:002010-02-27T15:18:48.656-05:00I like this mucho!!! heehee brilliant... is there ...I like this mucho!!! heehee brilliant... is there any more to come?<br /><br />TeddyBearAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-27222070033920512062010-02-27T15:18:00.825-05:002010-02-27T15:18:00.825-05:00Nice story; it's good and crisp.
1. I noticed...Nice story; it's good and crisp.<br /><br />1. I noticed a couple of things you might want to look into:<br /><br />How did the police know it was Ted Madison before they pulled out his wallet? If they didn't, why weren't they surprised that Ron knew who it was?<br /><br />2. When describing Bo Hopkins, the cop tells exactly the amount of the fine and the reason, and in the same breath he says it again, this time as if he doesn't know the details.<br /><br />Good work.<br />BenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-56251042357716459152010-02-27T15:12:47.228-05:002010-02-27T15:12:47.228-05:00The story caught my attention at the very beginnin...The story caught my attention at the very beginning. The opening scene describing the retrieval of the body, the conversation back and forth between the characters, and the comments about lack of funding to the police dept. was a good plot set up, and sounded very realistic. I liked the scene with them canvassing the neighborhood questioning people, and then talking to the "boss". It all went along fine till about 2/3 of the way and then seemed almost hurried to get to the end. Too easily solved maybe.<br /><br />I think this has the potential to be a very good crime drama with some expansion of the characters, both personally and professionally, and a bit more twists and turns in the case.<br /><br />Your grammar and spelling seem fine (but I'm a very poor critic there considering my lack of talent in that area :) )<br /><br />If you ever write an extended version of this story let me know. I would be honored to read it.<br />SShafferAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-27110375056509670822010-02-27T15:08:22.664-05:002010-02-27T15:08:22.664-05:00Great story, I liked the fact that the tables were...Great story, I liked the fact that the tables were turned on the FBI. I thought that maybe the wife was married to one of the FBI Agent's brothers or something like that, and that the adoption of the kids was of a personal nature. I was wrong. Rita being bribed was also a good reason for Ted's suicide.<br /><br />I did notice one small mistake. In the sentence below the Dr. is talking about the past and so the verb should signify that, (has should be had) unless you leave off the first three words of the sentence.<br /><br />Before this week, Mr. Madison (has) not missed an appointment in six months.<br /><br />GingerAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-11571154996087386252010-02-27T15:05:26.389-05:002010-02-27T15:05:26.389-05:00I really liked this story. It held my interest the...I really liked this story. It held my interest the whole way through. It had a good variety of characters. I thought the investigation flowed very well, consistently revealing intriguing information. The shift from "who killed the enforcer jerk" to the mob connections and FBI corruption added a lot of depth to the story, like how Law and Order always starts out leading you one way then everything ends up totally different.<br /><br />Some of the TV references seemed to cheapen their dialogue, which otherwise, was very good. If she was paid by the mob to kill him, why did she bring him fake adoption papers; yes, it would make it look like suicide, but no one knew about the adoption because she couldn't mention it, because it wasn't real.<br /><br />Most importantly, Rita Sanchez is a tough reluctant character; she is a heartless killer with no respect for anyone. But she just gives up when she is confronted. She asks to be read her rights, almost admitting her guilt. I would have expected her to go down shooting, or at least put up a real fight. I think if she was confronted outside the office, there is an opportunity to add a final action resolution. She needs to be given a last chance to get away with it and the detectives need to stop her.<br /><br />Keep writing, you show some real talent.<br /><br />JackAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-80624824562230825962010-02-27T14:35:37.136-05:002010-02-27T14:35:37.136-05:00Great story idea.
It needs a little work on the ...Great story idea. <br /><br />It needs a little work on the typos and overuse of some words, though. For example, near the beginning you had two sentences and used the word 'body' three times. Also, I found the use of bold font a little distracting - it broke the flow of the story. <br /><br />I will enjoy reading more of your work - thanks very much.<br /><br />Enigste1Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-86637742145968541242010-02-27T14:33:44.271-05:002010-02-27T14:33:44.271-05:00Man what a great read!!!
This story had me glued ...Man what a great read!!!<br /><br />This story had me glued to my seat from the moment I started! You are an excellent writer, both technically and imaginatively. This story is well worthy of publishing and I hope you do get to publish it somewhere if not already.<br /><br />I will be checking your portfolio to see if you have any books written. I found this piece flawless. The angels came together nicely, the characterization was solid, the plot tight, the twist great.<br /><br />You've really given me inspiration to shoot for in my own writing.<br /><br />Great work! I originally checked this out just for the gift point reward, but after reading, I would have easily paid 'real' money to read stuff of this caliber.<br /><br />Congrats I hope you sell it! <br />Kirk OuterbridgeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-17896311316406792042010-02-27T14:14:42.874-05:002010-02-27T14:14:42.874-05:00Excellent writing. You executed the story really w...Excellent writing. You executed the story really well. I followed with interest from the beginning to the end and wondered how you were going to wrap this one up. Excellent logic and problem solving. Are you by any chance in criminal law? <br /><br />I love how you wove the whole tale. You used descriptions really well and let us get to know everyone and everything that was happening so we could follow the case well. I love how you delivered the last bit of news that wrapped the case up. Just wonderful work. <br /><br />Congrats on a great piece of writing. *Wink*<br /><br />TraceyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17021150.post-51888972455490369402010-02-27T13:48:46.290-05:002010-02-27T13:48:46.290-05:00*SMiles* Great write and read!! I do thank you for...*SMiles* Great write and read!! I do thank you for the afternoon read... is there more to come?<br /><br />GentlemanReadAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com